Aussie hair products philosophy: 'There's more to life than hair, but its a good place to start.'
So when, just last year, you had luscious long, curly brown locks and now you have a chopped to pieces recovering from bleaching green/brown with grey roots mess, you know that whilst there's more to life than hair, the shit starts there.
Isn't it enough that I'm a financially challenged menopausal old cow suffering from empty-nest syndrome?
Clearly not, because Mr.M is loving his mid-life, at the height of his powers at work, working with a dynamic, academically brilliant project manager. She's probably a really nice woman despite being 24 years my junior, and I know that I am a beastly old thing with work-worn hands and flaking nails and a face that needs a lift.
I know that the poor thing has an unreliable car, about which he advises, and she has the most incredible eye-lashes. Oh they're false, he knows that, but they are just so long! And her manicure is always immaculate, although a hair extension did once fall out on her chair.
What does he see in me, in my Primark fleecy nightie and a bi-weekly hair masque to repair the damage? Leggings, socks, endless bleach-blotched tops and saggy skin between neck and breasts.
He advances, I repel; politely, but I hate my vision of the me that I think he sees. He sinks back, and I feel rejected, and even more ugly.
There's more to all this than hair, but I can't bloody wait for it to grow back.